the Lemi Shine solution

i am trying to build a website.
it is not going well.

after a marathon evening (6 hours!) of sitting in front of the computer trying to download programs and decipher code and interpret techno-talk, i threw up my hands and said something to the effect of: "i'm a writer, not a f*@$!^% website designer!"
then i had a charming little temper tantrum that involved ripping papers to tiny shreds and moving all of my newly downloaded files to a folder i titled: "Stuff I HATE!!"
this behavior may or may not have been fueled by half a bottle of red wine.

on this very same night, i discovered a solution to another problem that's been eating up my time.

story:
for the past year, i've been noticing a slight film left behind on my dishes after they come out of the washer. recently, this problem became so bad, i had to throw out utensils and cooking equipment that had become permanently coated in a white chalky film.

handsome and i tried everything from different dishwasher rinses to scrubbing the dishes with rough sponges AFTER they'd already been washed. we turned to the internet for advice several times and finally found a suggestion to buy a product called Lemi Shine.

try to imagine this bottle with a cape and super hero music

a single load later... TA DA! - sparkling dishes with not a speck of film anywhere. it turns out that chalky stuff was from our hard water. now, instead of spending a bundle for a water softener, we simply add a little Lemi Shine to every load.

i estimate this discovery is saving me an hour of effort every week. that's more than two whole days every year. and for just a few bucks a bottle, i say it's a bargain. i'm such a fan, i'm considering Lemi Shine product placement in my next book.

it got me thinking about how valuable our time is and how much of it gets unnecessarily wasted.
so i made a decision to find an easier route to website creation.

24 hours after my temper tantrum, i remain stressed, but much less so, because i enlisted the help of a website developer to do my heavy-lifting. this is going to cost money (though not nearly what other people pay, because i'm hiring a friend and doing a simple site), and i believe it will be money well spent.

it's not exactly the "Lemi Shine" solution, but it's going to give me a lot more time to do what really matters - write!

while on sub

while on submission to publishers, it's important to keep your mind off the process by finding other things to occupy your time.

the most common advice online is to write something else.

yeah, that's all well and good and probably what you should be doing, but for me - it's not a great distraction, because working on my WIP makes me think about writing.. which leads to thinking about other books i've written.. which leads to thinking about the book that's on sub.. which leads to obsessive email checking!

i find these distractions much healthier:

1) remodel your bathroom.
- start by planning just to paint. then, of course, notice some water damage that has to be dealt with first and proceed to hire a contractor to tear out a wall and part of your ceiling. hire another contractor to replace your skylights so the water damage does not return. after this, decide there's no point in painting without a new bathroom door to complete the look. have Handsome spend a week rebuilding the door and the entire frame. spend days and days repeatedly dusting up the debris left behind by this work. also, have Handsome photoshop the heck out of your bathroom, so you have a vision before painting. tape off the entire bathroom so it's completely unusable, then proceed to lose all interest in the project.
(because, um, how can you possibly worry about painting when your book is on sub and you have to go check your email?!)

2) take a vacation that requires 4 plane rides and two long car trips.
- be sure to get lost in the car on the way to your destination so that you have to concentrate on arguing with your family and navigating with your cell phone.
(turn right here. now turn left. uhhh... what's that? i don't know the next road. i turned off google maps to check my email. i'm on sub, you know!)

3) reprogram your tivo.
- use entertainment magazines to chart your fall TV schedule. settle on the couch, prepared to program, and notice Handsome has hooked up a PlayStation 3 to the TV. great! video games will be a perfect distraction! demand Handsome show you how to use it. then, naturally, discover the coolest thing the PS3 does is surf the web - turning your TV into the world's largest computer monitor.
(omg. do you know what website would look awesome on a 50-inch monitor? my email inbox.)

4) focus on your day job.
- pay particular attention to your email inbox at work. 600 emails a day is a lot to wade through. it's a great time suck to keep your mind off sub.
(and you'll get to it... right after you check the (1) message in your gmail inbox.)

every picture tells a story...

...don't it?

the folks over at wordle have come up with just what writers need - a new online distraction to help us procrastinate writing!

actually, i think this particular diversion has been around for awhile, but i've only just discovered what a time suck it can be.

here's how it works: you paste a large amount of text into a box, and wordle will create a collage of the most common words, showing you which ones feature most prominently in your manuscript (or blog or whatever you choose).

Here's my wordle for my WIP, Billy D. and the Bully:

(click to enlarge)

it's a fun toy, obviously, but it's also educational. notice two of the most prominent words in my jumble are "just" and "like." the same was true when i created a wordle for Butter.

i guess i just, like, can't help myself, y'know?

so you can use this as a tool to see which words you might be over-using, then do a search and destroy in your MS. or you can use it as a guide for which themes or characters are emerging in a significant way.

(i mean, whatever you have to tell yourself to rationalize the time wasted playing around on the site. that's what i'm doing. rationalization is my friend.)

now excuse me, i have to go wordle this blog post...

link love

i thought about posting another video blog, but i chickened out - again - so instead, i'm sharing some of my favorite things around the web this week.

before you click this first link, i have to warn you, it is overflowing with spoilers from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," so don't click it if you don't want to be spoiled. you've been warned.

i've mentioned before that i'm not a book reviewer. reviews are being done well elsewhere in the blogosphere. plus - most of the time when i have a lot to say about a book it's because i did NOT like it. and writing negative things about other authors in a public space like a blog makes me feel icky.
that said, i will confess to totally agreeing with a review by someone else (especially since it is about the one book i have already admitted on this blog that i didn't love).

i'm sure most of you are already following the rejectionist, but if not, then at least follow this link through le R's blog to read the great review. and by great, i mean well written - not a glowing review. not in the least bit. in fact, the review is titled:

"The Girl With the Lots of Creepy Disturbing Torture that Pissed Me Off."

LMFAO!!!!


i also recommend you enter this "Totally Epic Summer Contest," hosted by writers Roni Griffin and Julie Cross. and here's why:

you know how i like to brag about my awesome beta and aren't-i-lucky-you-can't-have-her-she's-mine-all-mine!!!!! well, she can be yours too... for 5 pages. then you have to give her back.

my beta, Gem, will be interviewed next week on Roni's blog, and if you follow the hosts of the contest, you will win a chance to have your query or first 5 pages critiqued by Gem or by Meredith Barnes. (if you are not already salivating, then you must not know that Gem is rocking an internship at Fine Print Lit and that Meredith is an assistant to the one and only Janet Reid!)
((and if you are still not salivating, because you don't know this FP Lit or Janet of which i speak, well then... i can't help you. but i can suggest you get over to Absolute Write immediately and start doing research on all the fabulous people and places of publishing.))


finally, this has been out on the web for awhile, but i only recently discovered it. if you don't cringe at the f-word, this should make you laugh out loud.
seriously... if you click no other link in this post, click this one. i almost peed myself laughing.