pinch me

you know that story writers always tell about "the call" - the one where the phone rings, and all their dreams come true, and they sing and dance and celebrate and can't stop grinning?

this is not that story.

(at least not at first...)

and you know the stories you hear about writers who get multiple offers and have their dreams come true DOUBLE and are in the lucky position of getting to choose and therefore must be DOUBLY HAPPY?

this is not that story either.
(at least, not the doubly happy part, and i think you'll see why.)

but this IS the story of.... drumroll.......................

HOW I GOT AN AGENT!

normally i try not to write long self-indulgent posts, but i know when i was querying, i relished reading every detail of other writers' experiences landing an agent, so settle in. this may be long.

i started querying in February. i was very fortunate to get 4 requests out of 11 queries. two of those 4 ended up being invitations to revise & resub. one was a phone call from someone who came to be known on the blog as "Agent Almost." i spent the next few months doing revisions for AA. earlier this month, while still waiting for a response from AA, i decided to start querying again.

i also decided to resub to one of my first choice agents - one who had given me an R&R - because her comments were in line with the revision i had done and, in fact, i had used many of her suggestions in my revision for AA, because i agreed with them so much. she agreed to read it again.

i got a very quick request/full read/offer. i might have done that dance i mentioned at the top of this post. ;)

i did what everyone suggests you do and let the other agents with queries or fulls know i had an offer. AA stepped aside with the kindest well wishes, and we both agreed we hope to cross paths in the future. what a class act! his clients are in great hands. then something unexpected happened. despite being terribly busy, the agent with the resub agreed to read it in time for me to make a decision.

a few days later i had a holy-shit-amazing conversation with the offering agent. i might have danced again. THEN, later that very night... perhaps you've guessed by now: i had ANOTHER holy-shit-amazing conversation - and yes, another offer on the table.

and i stopped dancing.

in fact, i threw up. (well, not right away. first i slept on it and let it all churn up in my stomach for 24 hours.)

then i made a decision. and THEN i threw up... because here's the thing:

when we write a story, we put a little piece of ourselves into it - no, actually, a BIG piece. so when someone says they like your book, it's like they're saying they like you too, and the last thing you want to do is let that person down.

i let my stomach settle, took a deep breath, picked up the phone and said the words i have dreamed about: "I ACCEPT."

i still felt ill about it, but here's what's great about my agent - (MY AGENT! whoa, still getting used to that) - when i told her i knew i was supposed to be excited, she finished my thought and said "you feel sick." she totally gets it.

the next morning i placed a difficult phone call to the MOST GRACIOUS AND AMAZING person, who wished me well and whose praises i will sing forever.

and then i started to feel it... first a little toe tapping, maybe a sway of the hips - the dancing had begun. and the grinning. oh yes, grinning like a maniac, because of these two comments on twitter:

**Today: One new client, Two new contracts to read, One offer, Two client mss delivered, One pitch written... no wonder querybox is stacking!

**For those of you keeping score, this is the 1st new client I've signed all year. This tweet brought to you by the Bureau of Grim Statistics.

...because i am the client, and the agent who tweeted those comments is MY agent - the fiercely honest, uber talented, relentlessly funny.....

Jennifer Laughran of Andrea Brown Literary Agency

now, if you'll excuse me, it's time.

i must go dance my ass off.

my purpose in life

...is to serve on a jury.
...apparently.

let's file this one under miscellaneous monday, shall we? because i don't have anything in particular to say about writing or publishing today, and there are so many other interesting things to blab about.

#1 being... JURY DUTY.

fact: i am 31 years old.
fact: as of today, i have been summoned to jury duty 7 TIMES! that's right. SEVEN. (more than my father and mother combined)
fact: i have yet to actually serve on one of those juries or so much as get called before a judge and attorneys to answer questions about my eligibility.
conclusion: i am destined to serve on a jury, and the courtly cosmos will continue to spam my mailbox with summons notices until i do.

how, you ask, is it even possible to get called for jury duty an average of every other year? isn't there some stipulation that you won't be called again for three years?
why, what a brilliant question, i say! let me break it down for you:

jury summons #1 - age 18 - municipal court in my hometown in Illinois - went and sat all day until they came out and told us attorneys had settled out of court.
jury summons #2 - age 22 - Tucson court - i called the night before and was dismissed without going in.
jury summons #3 - age 25 - same Tucson court (my 3-year reprieve was up) - by this time i was living in indianapolis, so i had an acceptable reason to decline jury duty.
jury summons #4 - age 26 - Indianapolis court - by this time i was living in phoenix, so i got to decline again.
jury summons #5 - age 28 - Phoenix municipal court - okay, this time they got me. went and sat all day and never got pulled from the holding pen to even see the inside of a courtroom.
jury summons #6 - age 30 - Arizona federal court - (what?? but it's only been 2 years! oh, but it's a different court system, see.) - deferred service to a more convenient week (yeah, a WEEK for federal duty). - called the night before my new service date and was released for the entire week. no need to show up at court.

that was january. fast forward a mere 5 months to today:

jury summons #7 - age 31 - Phoenix superior court
- the last one and the best one. this is where the big cases go, all the ones you see on TV. this is where the judges make you swear not to breathe a word of the case to anyone outside of court. this is where they tell you not to watch the news so you won't be swayed.
now, let me tell you something.
i am a TV news producer. that means it will be impossible for me to follow the jury rules and likely result in my dismissal. which i predict means.... another summons is just around the corner. because clearly, the universe wants me to do this - someday, somewhere, somehow.
however, 7 is my lucky number and the funny bit about all of this is that i would LOVE to serve on a jury - and even after all my summons, i've never had the chance. maybe it's finally my turn.

in other miscellaneous monday news, can i just shake my fist at larry page and sergey brin for a second? i spent hours and hours over the past week tinkering with html code and scouring the internet for blog banners... and TODAY i log in to see there's a new blogger feature for custom designing your page.

seriously.

and, oh fine, for those of you who insist on reading something about writing and/or publishing - i have heard nothing from Agent Almost. it's been 2 weeks since i sent the revisions. every day i wake up and tell myself he is reading it and making notes and will get back to me in due time. then i obsessively check my email 600 times throughout the day and fall asleep reminding myself once again to be patient.

i hope you are all doing something much more productive with your own time.

Beta Series 1: Hello

6: the # of people who offered to beta read for me when i posted the first chapter of Butter on Absolute Write
4: the # of people i sent my manuscript
2: the # of betas who actually got back to me with comments
0: the # of in-depth discussions i had with said betas about how they liked to critique and what kind of input i needed

i am eternally grateful for the feedback i got from those first betas. (they helped me catch the attention of Agent Almost!)
but i didn’t truly know the value of a good beta relationship until i opened my email inbox on March 29th.
That’s when i got my first message from Gem.

over the next three days, Gem and i will share the process that followed from the duelling perspectives of writer and beta in a cross-over blog series extravaganza.

UPDATE: Gem’s blog is going into semi-retirement, so her original posts on this series are now copied and pasted at the end of each of my own posts. (in other words, we saved you some time clicking around the internet, and you can now read the whole story here.)

The introduction

i have always been shy about asking people to read my work. i don’t want to burden anyone or make them feel obligated. so when it came to finding beta readers to review my manuscript and offer feedback, i relied on volunteers.

the trouble with that was i’d already cashed in on those offers with the first draft, and had no one to ask for feedback when it came to the high-stakes rewrite for Agent Almost.

the timing of Gem’s email was perfect. it arrived two days after my revision letter. (i now know this timing was not coincidental. See her side of the story below.)
i knew who Gem was through comments on AW and on my blog, so i was flattered that she emailed even to say hello. i was excited to see that she was in a similar spot on the path to publishing – even better, she was a step ahead of me and could help me navigate these rough waters. the cherry on top was the half-paragraph at the end of the email, casually asking if i needed a beta for my revisions.

holy crap! was she kidding?! of course i needed a beta! I was ready to send her the book right then. but wait...

Matchmaking

no matter how much Gem wanted to read Butter, she wanted to make sure up front that we didn’t waste each other’s time. she provided me with a list of questions (like the first step on a dating website, when you fill in your likes and dislikes). Gem’s beta quiz included things like, 'how do you like your criticism? blunt or sandwiched in praise?'
i had never thought of myself as having much say in the matter, so i hadn’t really thought about it. but now that she mentioned it... yeah, i did have an opinion – and it’s something along the lines of: “don’t lob me any softballs.”

i assured her i have skin as thick as an elephant’s and that she should not hold back. i also took the opportunity to tell her i was looking for specific feedback related to comments from Agent Almost. it was nice to be able to ask for this specifically – something i now know you should be able to do with your beta.
don’t just ask them to read. tell them what you need. if you don’t, then you don’t get the right feedback. and if they don’t want to give you that level of feedback, they should have the right to pass. (see? not wasting each other’s time)

Like a first date

a q&a can’t tell you everything though. so Gem suggested we do a test run of the first few chapters.

this was nerve-wracking. i was pretty confident she already liked the first chap, but what if she read 2&3 and thought the story just fell off a cliff? i thought i’d be biting my fingernails for weeks. but she turned her comments in less than 48 hours (despite a hangover), and i learned something else i like in my betas – fast turnaround. (i never could have finished this revision in two months if Gem weren’t so speedy with her edits.)

and her comments blew me away. from world-building issues (of course butter needs an online screen name! how did i miss that in the last ten revisions??) to just inexcusably bad writing (ick! that is cliché! why didn’t anyone else tell me? i could have taken it out ages ago!)
i should point out, Gem had many many kind things to say about the story and the writing, which was good for my fragile writer ego. ;)
but more important still were the crits. she had made some really stellar points, and those were on the chapters i was proud of. i absolutely NEEDED her input on the rough patches coming up later in the story.

fortunately, she had already emailed me an invitation to send her more chapters...

(to be continued)

and now from Gem's beta perspective:

Beta Series Part 1 – Initial Contact and First Chapters

Beta reader – ‘a person who reads an unpublished piece of fiction, on request from a writer, to look for grammar mistakes, plot holes, spelling errors, characterisation and general readability – with the ultimate aim to make the manuscript tighter and more marketable.’

So, that’s the definition. But how does it work in practice?

Over the next three days, I hope to answer this question by talking through my recent experience being the beta for the fabulous ‘Butter’. And over on her blog, EJ the author of ‘Butter’, is doing the same but from the writers perspective.

Meeting Butter
I ‘met’ EJ online in the Absolute Write forums in November 2009. She’d posted the first few pages of ‘Butter’ in the Share Your Work section – where members can get feedback on their work. The title made me click on it. The first lines made me carry on reading – see why here (READ THIS NOW!)

I was blown away. To quote some of my comments “I really really want to know what happens next”, “I was completely hooked” and “I felt overwhelming empathy for the main character”. EJ thanked me for my comments and I wished her luck finishing the project.

Now that is usually the end for me on any Share Your Work posts, but as you will see from the teaser, ‘Butter’ is a page-turner. I’d loved page one but page two was empty and I kept asking myself – “how will he get himself out of this situation and what’s going to happen next?” At the time, I was revising my own work, so I had no spare minutes to beta, but I did want to. I resorted to stalking watching EJ’s posts on AW to see how her progress was going.

The ‘watching’ paid off. EJ had a request for revisions from her Agent Almost, and what would be better to help with that than a shiny new beta reader. I emailed her saying an official ‘hi’, explained my stalking and told her that I was a week away from finishing my own revise and resubmit, so could empathise with her situation. My last sentence was my beta offer. I rambled through the actual ask “if you need someone, don’t feel bad to say no, etc etc, grovel grovel”.

EJ was enthusiastic in her response, even laughing that Butter had his first stalker. She said she would love fresh eyes! We exchanged a few polite getting to know you emails and I talked about how I like to beta.

Answer me these
I posted this a while back – the list of questions I ask all writers I beta for. It ensures both parties are clear about what they are looking for meaning no one wastes any time. I find it’s better to be honest upfront as some people just aren’t compatible as beta/writers. EJ and I laughed that the process was a bit like Eharmony!

EJ answered the questions and explained the exact things she wanted me to look out for. Her answers were a perfect match for how I like to beta – blunt, honest feedback with good explanations. We decided to do three chapters as a test to see if it would work.

First Chapters
My beta process is to do two passes of the work – first read like a reader, second read like a writer. I was so excited to get started on the three chapters. ‘Butter’ has an awesome beginning.

I have to admit to being a bit nervous when I sent over my first batch of comments because by this point, I really had to finish ‘Butter’ and if EJ didn’t think we were a good match, that would be the end of it. I re-read my comments a ton of times (after I got over my hangover – reminded to me by EJ!), typed up my email and pressed send. Then I waited.

Story continues tomorrow.

the fog has lifted

ever wake up from a two-month writing spree and find the rest of your world suddenly in focus?

and i don't mean you look around with serene clarity and a satisfied sigh of a job well done.

i mean you literally look up and see all the things that have blurred into the background for weeks. that pile of laundry and the stack of dishes in the sink are crystal clear. all those fuzzy shapes on your "to do" list now look like words demanding your immediate attention. you can finally see your cozy writing work space for what it really is - a big mess in the dining room that will have to be cleaned up tomorrow.

this is the kind of focus that hit me today.

i sent the new manuscript to Agent Almost last night, and when I woke up today, a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
but the fog lifted too, and i realized i have a couple days of "catch up" ahead of me to get back on top of my chores and errands and other real-life responsibilities.

all this is to say.... i won't have a video blog posted for a little while yet. (not that you're all tuning in every day dying to see it, but i like to keep my promises.)
so hang with me, and i swear - a vlog will come. it's just delayed.

in the meantime, my beta and i are cooking up something fun and hopefully educational for you blog readers. stay tuned... ;)

side effects

creative urges driving you crazy?
itching to put pen to paper?
infected with words and need to purge?

for so many of us, the only cure for these maladies is to write.

writing sooths our souls, scratches that itch and empties our brains before we go mad with ideas.
i popped the writing pill, and now i'm addicted. hopelessly.

it's too late for me, but i'm here to tell the rest of you: writing should come with a warning label, because there are side effects... serious side effects.

WARNING:

Writing has been known to cause ailments, including, but not limited to:

Insomnia

Shooting pains in the wrist

Back aches

(please consult your doctor about ergonomically designed chairs)

Mood swings

Obsessive-Compulsive behavior

Severe side effects may include:

Hearing voices

Loss of time/Daydreams bordering on blackouts

Psychotic rambling

If you experience one or more of these severe adverse effects, please consult your manuscript and increase your writing dosage until all the voices in your head bleed out onto the page.

....or maybe that's just me. ;)

speaking of side effects, i have discovered one awesome side effect of interviewing the most impressive YA blogger around -- HOLY BLOG TRAFFIC, BATMAN!

my hits for yesterday's interview with the fabulous T.H. Mafi have been off the charts.

and better yet - i found some new friends!

Welcome, new followers:

Meredith, Angela, Helena, Matthew, MBW and "Writing Again" !!!!!

welcome as well to:
Vic, EJ, Jamie, Kara and Julie - also recent additions! :)

i believe i mentioned something recently about doing a vlog post if my followers hit 25. guess i'll have to make good on that promise sometime in the next week.
how about this -- when i hit "send" on the email to Agent Almost with my new manuscript, that will be the day i vlog.

i would say, "don't hold your breath," but go ahead and hold it - because i promised him i'd have it in his inbox early next week.

YIKES! guess i should get to work!

impossible endings

gah! writing challenge fail AND blog fail!

missed yesterday's post because, simply, it was friday, and i had fun stuff to do. :)
i also wrote only a couple hundred words yesterday, which means i have my work cut out for me today and tomorrow.

my 'drop-dead'line for sending this polished puppy to Agent Almost is the 27th. that will be two months to the day that i got my revision letter. that seems like a reasonable amount of time, and the journalist in me just HAS to work on a deadline, or i'd never get anything done.

NOW, on to the REAL POINT OF THIS POST: ENDINGS

working on my own ending has me thinking about just how difficult it is to satisfy an audience, especially if they've been fans up to the end.

tomorrow, LOST comes to an end, and i have already resigned myself to the fact that i will most likely be disappointed. no matter how genius their story, how cleanly they wrap it up, there is nothing they can do to make me go "wow" at this point.

and here's why:
the best part was the mystery.
the guessing game, the trading theories with other fans, the anticipation, the "aha!" moments that only led to bigger mysteries. the appeal was in the not-knowing.

my book (without giving too much away, and with all modesty and humility) is very much a "will-he-won't-he-and-how" page-turner. once i get to the end and answer those questions, i feel anything i say beyond that will only be disappointing, because the anticipation is over, and that was the fun part.

i like to think of this as Harry Potter Syndrome. there was so much hype and anticipation over the epilogue, it almost didn't matter how JK Rowling ended the actual story. everyone was just dying to know what happened after that. and, inevitably, most folks were disappointed. they wanted to know why their favorite character was left out of the ep.. or just exactly what ron and harry had done to revolutionize the auror system, etc... basically, we wanted an encyclopedia, not an epilogue. (and bless JK, she's giving us one.) but the point is - there is nothing she could have written that would have made all the millions of potter fans say: "ahhh. perfect."

the manuscript i sent to the 4 agents who requested fulls had the wrong ending - the easy ending.
i punted.
as a result, i got one outright 'no' - two 'revise and resubs' that both mentioned the ending - and one Agent Almost, who also nixed the ending but gave me a chance to fix it.

that just puts a girl under more than a little pressure to make it "ahhh perfect."

trust and rejection

so i got a response from the final agent with my full manuscript - a rejection.

unlike the last rejection, this one left me feeling a little blue, only because i really liked what the agent had to say about my manuscript and know i would be able to work with her.
however instead of a "revise for me" letter, she wrote a "revise and resubmit" letter. that is a GREAT invitation, because her suggested revisions are so similar to those of Agent Almost, i feel like i have a place to send the new manuscript right away if Agent Almost ultimately rejects it.

bottom line - she liked it but didn't love it. i figure that's not too shabby for an agent who says she only requests one full out of every 50 to 80 queries and only takes on about 1 or 2% of the fulls she requests.

i feel good about that, but i am now in a scary place where all of my eggs are in one basket. the pressure to make my revisions perfect for Agent Almost has multiplied by a thousand.

it has me reading my revision letter over and over and calling my parents in the middle of the night to bounce ideas off of them. but one of those late-night freak-out calls resulted in some AMAZING advice that i want to share with all of you aspiring writers.

i'm paraphrasing here, but essentially, my dad told me:

"Take the notes from [Agent Almost], consider them, then do what feels right to you. Remember, he liked your first draft. Give him a chance to like your revisions. Don’t over-think it. TRUST YOURSELF."

the "trust yourself" is not paraphrased. that's a direct quote and a rule to live by.

i have to remember that i am revising for someone who already believes in me, in my story, in the words that came from inside me. if i stay true to that voice inside, then chances are he will like what comes next. but if he doesn't, at least the revisions/rewrites are still mine.

i am not guaranteed and agent or an editor or a publisher or readers. the only thing i know i will have FOR SURE at the end of all this is my book, so it better still feel like MY book.
and i think that attitude will ultimately result in the best final product. after all, who knows Butter better than I do? ;)

so i'd like to take my dad's advice and pay it forward... to any writer struggling with revisions (for betas, for an agent, for an editor, etc...) just remember:

TRUST YOURSELF .

opinions are like assholes...

...everybody's got one.


UP FRONT CLARIFICATION! the title of this post is in no way a cheeky attempt to call agents assholes. agents are rock stars, got it? even the ones who reject me. Rock. Stars.

now then.. an update on my path to publishing:
yesterday, i got my second rejection on a full manuscript. my first rejection was a form reply, which is fine, but tells me little beyond "cross agent off list." my most recent rejection came with a long list of revision notes. that was kind of the agent to do because she did not have to.
Repeat.
Agents DO NOT have to give you feedback on your rejected work. Any agent who does is doing you a solid out of the kindness of his or her own heart.

anyway, i learned two important things from this rejection.

first, i got to experience firsthand what everybody means when they say "this is a subjective business," because the suggestions in the rejection revision notes were point-by-point, the opposite of the suggestions made by Agent Almost, for whom i am currently revising.

second, i learned something about myself... that even if these revisions had come attached to an offer of representation, instead of a rejection, i still would not have gone with the agent.
when i started the query process, of course i did my research and everything to target appropriate agents, but i have to admit there was that little voice in the back of my head screaming, "agent! Agent! ANY Agent!" the revision notes sent along with this rejection silenced that voice.
it truly is critical to find an agent who can get on the same page with you. (pun intended)

NOW! A REMINDER! i am preparing to pass out gooey, glowing, gushing compliments to every one of my followers as soon as i have TEN of them! and bonus! i'll post links to your own blogs with reasons why people should click them!
i know, it's not a lot of incentive, but i don't have ARCs or books or other things to give away, because i'm not a big deal... yet. ;)

but follow me, and big things could happen, kids. BIG things!

agent! ...almost

one thing i have learned about myself as a writer is that i can only finish a book if i work on one manuscript at a time.
for the past couple of weeks, i've been struggling to decide whether that manuscript would be GRIM or BD&B. i now know why i couldn't decide... because deep down, i knew the work on BUTTER wasn't done.
and oh! the work that lies ahead!

i am about to embark on some pretty major revisions, based on the tremendous insight of... well, let's just call this person "agent almost."

i say "almost" because there has been no offer of representation. instead, there has been great communication and now - a beautiful and lengthy (i'm talking 1300 words) revision letter.
we can do a tiny little happy dance here, because it's not a "rejection, revision ideas and offer to resubmit" letter, but a definite "work on this, because i want to work with you" letter.

and people, this letter is as inspiring as it is intimidating.

phrases like "deep and universal," "vivid and complicated," "strong and authentic" and "captivating" had me on my tippy-toes, reaching for cloud nine.

while words like "unrealistic" and "stereotype" kept me grounded.

i thought i would want a revision letter to tell me exactly what to do - add this scene, take out that one. instead, i got one pointing out what needs improvement and leaving it to me to figure out how to do it. and i couldn't be more thrilled. now, any changes i make are still my changes, my work. instead of being given direction, i was given inspiration.

i also thought revisions that require some pretty major overhauls would be a reflection of a big messy book. instead, i felt like "agent almost"was saying: you wrote something good, but you have no idea just how GREAT the book you're writing could be.

it made me feel like someone out there has even more confidence in me than i have in myself.

and i hope every author gets to read a letter like that someday.