over the years, i've had the unfortunate opportunity to learn how i handle grief. each time in my life i've heard devastating news, i've let myself feel it for just a moment - maybe a day or two at most - let myself cry until i can't breathe. then a survival switch flips inside me, and i shove any pain into a little compartment in my heart, so i can move forward.
i think that may be how i handle elation as well. my survival switch is keeping my emotions in check, because if i allowed myself to fully feel this moment, my heart might literally explode with joy.
my mom recently sent me a box with hundreds of pages of writing from before i could even spell. in the back of one story, i wrote myself this little bio:
My name is Erin Jade Lang (yes, I misspelled my own last name) and I am eight years old. When I grow up I want to be a writer.
i guess in many ways, i still feel like that 8 year old girl, playing pretend and wishing on a star. but sometimes there's just a split second - a flash of a moment - when i actually take it all in, and it's like that wishing star goes shooting across the sky. in those moments i have to look at myself in the mirror and have this conversation:
Is this happening?