Bully is a Buzzword

Last week I posted some links to recent guest posts I did on bullying. One of the bloggers asked me whether there has been an increase in bullying or just more awareness.

I’m no expert on bullying beyond my own personal experience with it, but as a member of the media, I do know a little something about “hot topics” and just how they get so sizzling. I know how the media can blow things up – how we can unintentionally (and unfortunately) trivialize serious issues by over-discussing them – how we can take powerful words and turn them into meaningless “buzzwords.”

BULLY is one of those buzzwords.

Just the other day, a dear friend of mine told me I was bullying a coworker, because of the way I was speaking to her. My friend meant no harm or offense, and she was right to correct me for being rude. But for the record, I was being a condescending know-it-all, not a bully.

At least, not according to Merriam-Webster.

Here are 3 definitions of “bully” (noun):
Merriam-Webster: “a blustering browbeating person; especially one habitually cruel to others who are weaker”
thefreedictionary.com: “a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.”
dictionary.com: “a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”

There is an important word these definitions all have in common: HABITUALLY.

Other definitions use words like “repeated” and “constant” and “over time.” The word that comes to mind for me is relentless. That’s how I would describe my own personal experience with bullying. It wasn’t just the cruel things my peers said. It was that they said them all day every day. I don’t think I would have been as scarred by bullying if it hadn’t been relentless – if it hadn’t been HABITUAL.

This is not to say an attack that happens just once is okay or any less painful for the target, but is it always “bullying?” And if we call every act of cruelty “bullying,” are we minimizing it for the children and teens who are daily targets of abuse?

As a journalist, I see so many stories cross my desk in the newsroom with the word “bully.” It’s a catchy word, and these days, a press release or news blurb with that word will get read, and there’s a good shot it will worm its way into a newscast, just like all the other buzzwords. But it’s not always an accurate description of what’s happened.

Worse yet… other than my friend calling me a bully, the last dozen times I’ve heard that word used out loud were all on episodes of “The Real Housewives of Wherever.” Every real housewives reunion show seems to have someone who gets called “the bully.” If that doesn’t trivialize the word, I don’t know what does.
When these women say “bullying” – when many people say “bullying” – what they’re really talking about is kindness vs. cruelty.

And maybe that’s okay. Choosing kindness over cruelty may be the root of the anti-bullying message, and perhaps it will be effective in solving the problem. I just worry that over-using the word “bully” will eventually make it meaningless. We see this in newsrooms every day. The audience gets bored with hot topics and buzzwords, because too much exposure desensitizes us. So while I’m glad for the growing spotlight on bullying, I’m concerned about how generalized the definition has become.

It’s important that we are specific and accurate when we use powerful words like BULLY, so that people like the "Real Housewives" can’t smash them down into nothing.

For a more in-depth definition of bullying, visit Stopbullying.gov.
And for more information about National Bullying Prevention Month, visit pacer.org/bullying.

I just realized I used proper capitalization in this post. Hm. I guess it's a capital-letters kind of topic.

not really news at all

one of the perks of working in TV news is getting up close and personal with creatures you otherwise only get to see from the other side of a piece of glass or a chain link fence.

that's right. i'm talking lions, tigers and bears. oh my!
okay, not lions... yet.
but tigers and bears? you bet.



every few weeks, we have four-legged creatures visit our newsroom to appear on our morning program. before their moment in the spotlight, they spend a few minutes relaxing around our cubicles while we act like the paparazzi, snapping photos and asking lots of questions.


most often, these visitors come from one of our local zoos, courtesy of an excellent wildlife expert. it's said you learn something new every day. on the days the critters come to visit, i know that's true.
i have learned that baby bears need to be taught everything, including how to drink milk, and that arizona has the most venomous snakes in the country. i've learned that penguins are fearless and even a bit aggressive and that otters have a stink that will stay on your hands all day, no matter how much you scrub them clean.



sometimes, behind the scenes, my job is less about the news of the day and more about getting an education on the world at large. on these days, i feel so lucky.

The Revision Diaries (2)

...week two in the chronicles and confessions of an author on a deadline!

so, as promised (to, um, myself), i truly began revising on Sunday. it was going great. i was trucking along, knocking down those skinny little post-its page by page for a couple days - until i hit a scene that stopped me in my tracks.

this scene needed a fix similar to a scene i'd already revised, so i attacked it in the same way - trimming back paragraphs here and rewriting the language there. but it wasn't working the same as it had worked for the other scene. and no amount of shaking my laptop could shimmy the words into their proper place.
so i got up and walked away for the first time since i'd really started revising.

but unlike with first drafts, or even revisions for my agent or crit partners, when i can walk away for as long as i need to... i knew i couldn't pause for too long. when writing/revising on a deadline, you can only let something sit and stew for so long before - in the immortal words of Tim Gunn - you have to "make it work."

so even though i wasn't sitting at the laptop, whatever i was doing, i forced myself to be thinking/scheming/mentally revising. i schemed while i played iSlash on my phone. i thought hard while watching the Real Housewives of who-knows-where. and i mentally revised while making dinner with Handsome.
(isn't it funny how much thinking/scheming/mentally revising all have in common with procrastinating? huh. wierd.)

but seriously, it was during one of these moments of obvious procrastination that the lightbulb went off. i knew how to fix the scene. i had to completely rewrite it - my first big full-scene makeover in this revision.

but AH! here was a new problem.
i am not one who can edit a single scene in multiple sessions, bouncing in and out of the chapter over the course of a few days. i have to do things in chunks. i needed a good block of time to write the scene AND make sure it was polished, so it wouldn't read like a first draft. but at this point, i was thick into my work week with other obligations looming, and i had not budgeted my week-day writing time for a marathon session - merely for a few sprints.

so with that deadline clock Tic-Toc-Taunting me, i set aside the manuscript for two whole days.

fortunately, i was able to use vacation days from work during this revision period, so i started again Thursday, with 4 full days of nothing but writing time stretching out before me.
and oh boy, did i rewrite that scene! it took the better part of my Thursday and kept me away from the gym and other chores i had hoped to slip in on my day off. but i got it done, and then i went back to sprinting - and smashing those post-its.
today i have a new scene to write and another scene that needs a big re-write, so i hope to be as productive as yesterday.

the only hiccup in my plans will be the carpet cleaners i scheduled to be here this afternoon.
but even if i only write 5 words while they are here, i'm sure i'll still get more done than if i had spent the entire day off cleaning the carpets myself.

i'll be back next week with another installment. (and probably sometime before that when some other random blog post inspiration strikes - i.e. when i need to walk away from the revisions again.)